Gillianic Tendencies

So, my employer is not evil, I can keep the blog, it was all a big misunderstanding. No, really. Oh, yeah, I’m confused too, but I’m more feeling a bit silly about the whole thing. Though it was good to realize that I did care about this blog and wanted to continue it, despite not having a lot to talk about lately.

In removing the posts from this blog I accidentally switched their publication dates to April 25, 2010 (WordPress Fail!), so now I have to fix them with a backup. It sure would be useful if there were a DBA around to help me do that…

So, yeah, stuff.

Did I ever mention that I bought a Kindle? I’ve heard that the ones they ship to Canada have the browsers removed, or only Wikipedia works, but I had mine shipped to a friend’s house in Seattle (to save on shipping and GST) and I picked it up from him at the MySQL conference, so it still has a browser. Score! Unfortunately it’s pretty slow, so I can’t see it being useful, but, it has a browser! It’s like I won something almost!

I am digging it. I got it so that I could read fiction when waiting for the bus, or for the plane, or whatever else I’m waiting for. Also so that I could carry around tech manuals, because you wouldn’t believe how often I’m at work and wanting to consult a book I have at home. And I can’t just carry them around, have you seen the size of the MySQL Administrator’s Bible? You could bench-press that thing! And it’s too thick for my cat to properly lie on it, a la:

(Everything I own is potential cat furniture. But I keep the Kindle in my purse for its protection.)

I am liking the Kindle, though. It doesn’t have the glitter and flair of Apple products but it does win out on being convenient. And I already have 3 iPods, so I can’t get any cooler without dishing out for an iPad. And I don’t like to buy first generation.

I’ve now heard a rumour that I can blog after all, so I think I’ll keep this thing up, at least until I get some sort of official communication one way or the other. No, I’m not going rogue on you, all I’m getting from work is hearsay so it would be wrong for me to come to any conclusions just yet, especially when shutting down this blog feels like removing a big chunk of my identity. Frankly, it’s ridiculous how bad I felt yesterday.

I’ve been thinking this past week about my blog and what it means, and what it’s worth to me, all in the context of a random person who might feel that it’s bad because I use profanity here and there and often refer to things grown-ups do for the sake of metaphor. The conclusion I came to was that this blog has at times been awesome and has improved the world with its existence (even if only a little) and I can’t just dismiss it as a minor hobby even if that’s what it’s been lately.

One of my proudest accomplishments since leaving school was the fundraising I did with this blog. $5000 to the BC Cancer Foundation over three events between 2006 and 2008, just from me nagging you lot on this here website. I mean, fine, maybe I cajoled with the promise of pictures of my friends and I parading around Vancouver in our underwear, but that was what the events were about, after all. This year the event is in five cities, and my old team is still running. Go Thunder Panties!

I’ve also managed the odd post that touched people, or made them think, or other sappy stuff. Posts about sexism, and homophobia, and the difficulty of finding a good pair of jeans. One person reads my blog to help his English (though perhaps all the swear words aren’t particularly helpful there). Several people have said they were inspired to start their own blogs after reading this one, and that’s a pretty awesome compliment as far as I’m concerned.

I’ve managed to make a couple people laugh hard enough that I owe someone a new keyboard. Of course, usually the laughs come when I’m not trying to be particularly funny. I like to pretend that people are laughing with me, and not at me; since we don’t see each other I could assume the former, but then again I’d probably laugh at me too.

My good works also include the multitude of cat photos. Because the world doesn’t have quite enough of those yet.

It wasn’t that anyone was saying that my blog was bad. I just had to convince myself otherwise in the midst of turning the blog off and then suddenly feeling like I’d lost my voice. To be perfectly honest, I am really lonely and miserable in Kelowna, but I still had this blog and Facebook and plane trips home to keep me sane. Losing any of that would mean a sadder me, and I’m morose enough at my cheeriest.

Anyways, I’m hoping this was much ado about nothing and I can keep the blog after all along with a disclaimer that of course the opinions stated here are not those of my employer, you ninny. Or maybe something more polite.

We’ll see.

I’m having a bad week.

Monday sucked, but I never really expect anything good to come out of Mondays so I got over it. Then Tuesday sucked, for a different reason, and I was starting to feel a bit worn down but it was still early days.

Then today came along and kicked me in my lady parts but it’s still too early in the week to properly give up on society and commence the moping. No, there are still two more days of work where the best I will manage will be my usual apathy with brief periods of sulk between tasks. It’s irritating that I have to wait until Friday afternoon before I can fully commit to the gloom.

I was hoping for a thunderstorm this evening so that the weather could be truly symbolic of my feelings, but all I got was a strong breeze. It did not meet the minimum catharsis quota.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post, other than to document my whining for future comparison.

Gillian Gunson, originally uploaded by O’Reilly Conferences.

I had thought the worst case scenario for my Ignite talk last night would be that I’d pee myself. It turns out that I don’t have much of an imagination, because the real worst thing would be that they liked my talk and were making me do it again the next morning at the keynote. Where there were, I dunno, something less than 1000 of people in the room and another 10,000 or so online watching the live stream. No pressure and stuff.

Note to self: me in the evening after a beer is a much better speaker than me the next morning with neither sleep nor beers. Total shock on that one, woo.

I don’t know when I last had as much fun and as much stress at the same time*. It was like having sex on a trapeze. I’m guessing.

Time to board the plane!

*Note I mean about the conference, not the talk, it wasn’t all that fun, really.