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December, 2011:

Christmas Preparations

It’s December so it’s okay if I have decorations up. I had been storing my Christmas stuff at Dad’s as he doesn’t charge a fee for that but I picked it up last weekend and put up the fake tree yesterday.

7 years ago (holy shit) I had blogged about an interactive Christmas stocking Mom had made. I brought it out yesterday and put it up on my wall, and as you can see from this video the digital music box still works:

I believe this is what Christmas in hell sounds like. I played it for Mom over the phone and she was like, “what is that whining in the background?”

Speaking of Christmas, I’m going to be flying up to Kelowna that day to visit Mumsy. It turns out it’s pretty cheap to fly on Christmas Day itself, and all-in-all my flight is about half the price it was last year. Spending *all* of Christmas Day with Mom seems pointless as I’ve been a bad girl and Santa’s not going to be giving me much. Or the other explanation could be that the Maui vacation I didn’t pay for in October was my Christmas present.

So I’ve been on a bit of a health kick lately, to the point of even buying kale today despite having no idea what one does with kale but it’s green and leafy so I get a gold star for participation. I’m seeing a personal trainer and a physiotherapist, who both have told me my body is completely fucked up so go do all these ridiculous looking exercises on your own time. I’ve been doing them in the gym downstairs because if I’m going to look like a moron in public, I might as well limit my exposure by keeping it to the gay Fitness World where nobody notices me anyways.

They tell me I have malfunctioning buttocks. This sounds like a personal failure on the level of failing Grade 1, and requiring the same lack of effort. So most of these exercises involve squeezing my ass even though I don’t really need to in order to do a rep of whatever it is.

I’m also getting intramuscular stimulation from my physio, which has her sticking acupuncture needles in me and then poking around with them for maximum torture before pulling them out. The point is to break down chronic scar tissue, or it’s just an outlet for her sadistic tendencies. Either/or. It’s not too bad, actually, but people had me so nervous about it on Facebook that I took a valium before my first session and then she couldn’t do any points near my armpit because I kept giggling from the tickles. It was better this week, I behaved myself. I’m not sure if it’s doing any good yet, but I haven’t had any muscle spasms in my shoulder since she started, which is a good sign. Yeah, I have several parts wrong with me.

December seems like a bad month to be attempting healthy lifestyle changes. Tim Hortons just brought out their candy cane donuts this week, and working from home means I’m only ever 3 floors away from one of those things. Perhaps I should just give up and start over in January.