In airport security

So I was at the Vancouver airport yesterday and had a rather interesting experience in security. Luckily it had nothing to do with drugs or weapons or cavity searches, though those might’ve made for a better story.

No, I got through the check just fine. I was grabbing my jacket and bags when a female security officer asked me about the FOO sticker on my netbook. I made some excuse about it being an in-joke in computer science, but that it wasn’t really that funny, and at that she turned away.

Then a male security person walked up to take away the trays and said, “And you’re in Arts too! Wow, you are so well-rounded!” This was in reference to the “Kiss Me I’m in Arts” sticker I also had on the netbook. Hey, I collect stickers.

In response to him I smiled and just mumbled something about not being in school anymore. But as I was putting the netbook into my purse, I hear:

“And you’re pregnant! I bet you’re going to have genius babies!”

I didn’t correct him because I couldn’t speak for the laughter I was having to suppress.

Now, I could stand to lose 5 lbs and tone up my midriff, but even then it’s a large jump to bun-in-the-oven. I was wearing a long top that sort of billowed in front but it wouldn’t have hidden much of a bump, either, though I suppose it could’ve looked like a maternity top from the front. Otherwise, I don’t know where he got the idea from. If he’d had to search my bags he would’ve found my highly effective birth control.

It’s funny because it’s so ridiculous. Mom hasn’t stopped laughing since I told her yesterday.

As usual I’d gone through security early so I could sit down at the bar near my gate and have a beer and lunch before boarding. But having just been accused of pregnancy I couldn’t do it; I was worried that if I ordered a beer I’d instead receive a dirty look and a pamphlet on fetal alcohol syndrome. So I just sat quietly and thought of baby names and ivy league colleges for my hypothetical zygote.