It has been suggested to me a few times in the last few days that I should give myself a break and cut myself some slack and other weird expressions that mean a similar thing. In any case I’m rather homesick and sad and lonely and for some reason had assumed I wouldn’t be, or that it wouldn’t hurt so much. I’m not really sure what I expected.
It occurred to me this past weekend that I’ve never really succeeded at moving away from Vancouver. In 1990 we moved up to Kitimat because my stepdad got recruited up there. I spent the next 8 months or so praying we’d move back to Vancouver, and the day Mom said we were moving back was my favourite day there.
In 1995 I moved to Victoria to go to UVic, where I lasted two years. I spent most of the second year taking the ferry back to Van every weekend or two, eventually deciding I might as well just move back and save myself the commute.
That’s it. There never seemed any reason to leave since, until recently when I got a glittery job offer for a company here in Kelowna and wanted the life change that a move would bring. Or I thought I did: turns out I really just want to be back in my crap apartment in Marpole and going for coffee with Chrissy and Stu. I miss the familiar.
Kelowna, as it is, is great and there’s really nothing to dislike about the city itself. I’m enjoying the weather more than I thought I would. My workmates are all happy nice people and have been quite welcoming despite the fact they did not receive any of the cookies I’d promised in the interview for two weeks. I think I won out over the other candidates only because of that promise.
It is hard, though. Even with my stuff unpacked this doesn’t feel like home. The streets are new and I don’t know anyone and I’m in a constant state of slight discomfort. Work is looking to be a big challenge, which was what I wanted, but right now it consists of me being confused most of the time. Nor am I used to working in an office after a year of contracting from home and never meeting my clients. All of this was exciting at first but now I’m exhausted.
For years certain people were telling me I should move away and start a new life outside Vancouver (don’t know why, but whatever) but these same people did their own moving with their spouses, so they had someone. I don’t have a someone, I have a somecat but it’s not the same thing. I mean, it’s better than nothing, I’ll take it; I am hopeful, but this is a difficult time.
I’m not meaning to whine here, I’m just putting it out there that this is what I’m dealing with. I guess I just hadn’t prepared myself for how this would feel, and ended up surprised that it’s made me sad. On the plus side I’m going to be in Vancouver for Labour Day long weekend, so if I can hold out until then I will get to rejuvenate myself in preparation for another month from home. Let’s see how long I can last this way.
Moving to a new city is tough. I had to do it when I went to Kingston for grad school. It sucked. But I knew it was only for a year and I was far too busy and exhausted to miss people too much.
Give it some time. Perhaps when the recession is over you will be able to come back with some really good experience on your resume.
Perhaps I just need to get busier with work, then
Though I’m not sure what the recession has to do with this, @Shihtzustaff. I turned down a job offer in Vancouver for this one.
its really hard to move out of a city you love. i still get home sick for vancouver. but, trust me, it does get easier.
Aw, Gill! We miss you big time too! I’m sure it’ll get easier as time goes on. You’ll be back in Vancouver for a visit soon too! Perhaps we need to schedule a visit
I also want to add that if you do want to come back, then that is always an option. No one would think less of you for trying Kelowna out, and we’d be glad to have you back. Just don’t feel like you’re trapped up there.
Having moved a lot as a kid, I understand. Give it time and go out and get involved; do some volunteering and try to meet some people outside of work. You never know what you’ll find when you least expect it!
I moved alone to 2 cities and although I loved the change, the loneliness at first was a real challenge. So, I guess the best I can say is, you’re not alone, it is difficult and once you survive the first bit it’ll get much, much better.
It always takes me over a year to get used to a new city. This is not uncommon. In fact, I think that people who move from city to city easily, and yet get comfortable in calling it “home” very quickly, are very rare.
Hey girl… I know just how you are feeling. I’ve moved a number of times to strange cities on my own, with no one. It’s hard.
But, it’s also rewarding — I reinvented myself, and grew.
Thankfully, you are just a drive away, and I’m so glad to hear you are in town for the long weekend. Hopefully you can make it to the engagement party? I’d love to have you there.
You are going to settle in, just give it time. Try to enjoy the experience… Even though the beginning ALWAYS sucks.
I’ve actually heard it takes TWO years to settle into a new city. Which basically is teh suck. I found that one year wasn’t quite enough when moving back to Victoria, and hell I grew up here, so you’d think I’d feel at home.
I guess what I’m saying is, this will pass – not soon enough to be a cheery thing to look forward to, but eventually. In the meantime try not to focus too much on how miserable you are – it just interferes with finding good stuff about your new life.
Awe Gillian. I know it is damn hard . The best thing to do is get involved in activities outside of work. Anything as long as it’s something you enjoy. I’ve spent my entire life moving around, not just different cities but different countries.
I feel homesick when I’m away from Vancouver too, even when I travel to an exotic location for vacation.
People in the interior are pretty friendly though. Have you thought about signing up for an activity or classes in something you’re interested in? I’ve often found that the best way to settle in and get to know people quickly in a new setting.
best wishes,
P.
I’ve never moved cities. In fact, I’ve only ever lived in three different houses, and I’ve been in this one off and (mostly) on for all but four years of my entire 40-year life. So I certainly understand how hard it would feel to move to a new place.
That said, perhaps look at it as not a permanent move, but just where you are right now. Maybe this company will give you an opportunity to move back to Vancouver in a couple of years. Or maybe the work you do will open opportunities for something cooler back in Van down the line. Plan that you will move back at some time; maybe you’ll do that, or maybe you’ll sneak up on yourself and end up staying despite your previous intentions.
In the meantime, keep in touch with all of us, enjoy the Okanagan summer and fall and winter (with actual cold and snow!) and spring. And let everyone know when you’re back in town, however briefly, of course.