Karmic insurance

That’s what I told Mom I’d been paying the last few days by the amount of pain I’d been in. Normally I’d just say it was divine retribution for past wrongs, but I can’t have done all that much since I paid up last year. I feel like running out and robbing a bank or something just to even things out both for my soul and my personal savings.

My first week of work lasted just a day and then I was bedridden with dental/facial pain similar to the early stages of last year’s hell, and then I was bedridden recovering from the dental work. I have a month of several procedures per week which will decimate my entire savings account (what with the lack of health benefits that went along with the lack of job). Oh, and I’ll be working only three days a week in the meantime, making me extra-poor!

It turns out that eating sugary foods and not brushing your teeth twice a day results in cavities. Whodathunkit? I’m going to blame myself for most of this, because I always associated brushing my teeth with the migration of my pants, and as I wasn’t getting dressed most mornings during my unemployment and self-employment I wasn’t usually brushing my teeth then either. Hey, I live alone.

I also put some blame on the sadistic dentist of last year’s ills, as a good portion of the cost I’m stuck with is in fixing things he screwed up or ignored. If I had any money left I’d probably use it to put a hit out on him, so he sort of saved himself.

The dental work in progress is as follows:

• fillings for cavities in all the back teeth
• crown on last year’s root canal tooth which has cavities
• two replacement crowns where there are cavities under the crowns
• fillings to fix the “buckling” of several teeth due to extreme grinding
• new mouthguard

It’s sad when the only good things you hear from the dentist are “your front teeth are fine” and “you don’t have gingivitis”.

A friend suggested I get all my teeth removed but I told him that if I was going to be the topic of rap songs it was going to be in praise of fine white titties and not as a joke on toothless women.

The other thing that sucks is that I had planned to visit a friend in Seattle this weekend where I was going to go kayaking and drink beer and buy Canadian yarn which isn’t sold in Vancouver, and now I can’t.

So if nothing good happens to me soon I fully prepare to go do something bad because I figure the universe owes me now. Perhaps they could’ve just paid the dental industry themselves and skipped me entirely, though.