One of my favourite sayings which I find myself using too often goes something like, “if my parents wanted me to play well with others they should have given me siblings”. It’s good to have phrases like that when you’re an only child and it shows. Otherwise it’s hard to find an excuse for running away screaming from the nice group of people with whom you went to Tofino for a long weekend.
They say your personality is pretty much fixed by the time you’re 30, so I guess I can no longer hope or assume that I will grow out of my intense need for alone time and personal space. All I can do is be aware of it and plan my life with it in mind, but sometimes even that doesn’t work. In regards to this weekend, I’ve done fine in group trips before, because the cabins had more than one bedroom (or the sites had more than one tent) and I could hide away for a few minutes, here and there, to get some calm and quiet before rejoining the party. Unfortunately, the Tofino cabin’s “loft bedroom” was both doorless and acoustically positioned to amplify all sound emanating from the crazy hijinks below, so there was no privacy nor peace to be had, except for standing outside in the rain.
The fact that I’d slept badly all week and only 3 hours the night before didn’t help. Neither did the 6 hours of quiet I received that first night (obviously Albertans and Kiwis don’t need as much sleep as us mere mortals). So I avoided everyone, spent the day alone, got a cheap motel room that night and bused home the next morning. Tofino was nice, for the few hours of energy I had to wander the town. Must go back someday, preferably alone or with geriatrics who go to bed by 10 (Dad?)*.
I know an apology is in order, though I’m not really sure if the group will understand why I had to leave and not be offended. Some of them will read this post (passive aggression is my forte) and maybe that’ll help, or maybe it won’t. There’s always the danger that people are going to find you rude, weird or just fucked up because you feel trapped by large groups. In a bad way, I mean, because they probably already thought all this about you, but considered it quaint.
As I said at the beginning, I put the blame on my being an only child, though I also like to cite:
- my 8 pm bedtime until I was a teenager,
- spending weekends at Dad’s where I had few or no friends, and
- moving every year or 2 until I was 14
as other potential causes. I’ve pondered on this topic a lot, can you tell? I got so used to spending hours each week (and at least an hour in bed every night) awake and alone, and now I need it. And I am okay with who I am (really), except for when I upset or confuse my friends with my odd behaviour.
I was chatting with an older man on the ferry from Nanaimo yesterday. He was bringing his toddler-aged granddaughter back to her mother, after the girl had spent the weekend with her father (his son). I saw the son hug the girl and say “see you in two weeks”, and it made me sad. Not that I hadn’t seen this sort of thing before, but given how my weekend had gone, I hoped the granddaughter doesn’t turn out as I had. Especially with all the biweekly ferry trips in her future. But maybe her parents will let her stay up now and again.
*Just kidding, Dad. I know you go to bed later than that.
Not offended at all – just confused immensely
Glad to read the post though and get an explanation, at least I’d been trying to figure out what we had done so horribly wrong to offend you so badly that you needed to leave immediately. Not that we didn’t do anything that might offend because we are not a subtle group of people, but more trying to figure out what it was specifically.
I couldn’t decide between the extreme 4×4 trip we’d taken en route, the quantity of liquor and related entertainment procured and quickly tied into, naked dave himself, or the jager induced volume the first night. Truly, it could have been any of these things alone or combined, any of which would have frightened any number of people
Glad you got home safe despite having Dave as a bus driver, we enjoyed your company while we had it and will know for next time what might qualify as Gillian friendly accommodations!
xoxo
M.
I dunno, you had to know what the weekend was going to be like. It sucks that you experienced overload, to be sure… but still. Mental condition going into a weekend trip makes a huge difference, and if you knew you were in rough shape then why go? That said, I’m glad you were able to make your way back ok. Tofino is bat country.
Cat-like personality?
I’m somewhat the same. I don’t necessarily need alone time, but a quiet place to sleep is important, and I generally dislike drunk loud people (even when drunk, I’m not particularly loud). It’s for this reason that I’ve never gone houseboating.
I understand. My mom says that I’ve always been a person who needed my alone time. Even as a small child, I would shut the door because I needed to play alone.
Anyway, I relate. You’re not alone.
I relate too. I *need* to have a place where I can close the door and have peace and quiet, which is why I have not gone camping with my friends for years. Sucks to miss out on the parts I know would be fun, but that doesn’t outweigh the shittiness of being trapped in a place where I don’t want to be!
heh.. i wasn’t there, but knowing the group from which you fled, i’m amused.
grew up on a mountain myself.. didn’t come down to meet society until grade eight, and it was rough. to this day, i prefer solitude mostly.. something that helps though, is meditation.. over time, i’m finding my ‘emotional bumpers’ are getting deeper, allowing me to give more space to chaos around me, while still maintaining inner peace.. and i’m older than 30
=)
A while ago I took the Myers-Briggs personality test. It turned out I am either INTP or INTJ, and researching those particular personalities was really illuminating. One important thing is the difference between introverts and extroverts. I think the common perception is that introverts don’t like being around people (which sounds pretty negative), but that is really not it. Apparently the difference is that extroverts feed of group activities, and it energizes them, whereas introverts eventually get worn down by being social. It’s not that they don’t like people, or being in groups, it’s just that they can only handle so much without having to withdraw.
This made a whole lot of sense to me, and explained a few times in the past when I would spontaneously run out on a party when it was in mid-swing.
So, maybe you are in the same situation. You can probably find a Myers-Briggs test online somewhere. It may interest you. I know the INTP profile was spooky for me, as it was so accurate:
http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/intp.htm