I’ve been thinking: when a cat kneads at your lap before curling up on you, or licks your hand in that cute bristly way, how do you know its true motives? I mean, sure, maybe it loves you, but then again, maybe it’s acquiring an appetite for longpig.
Here’s my theory:
kneading = tenderizing
licking = marinating
scratches = cutting you up into smaller portions for faster cooking times
bites = actually not a good idea since the punctures may lead to lost juices during cooking
There’s that brain parasite, right, that cats give their owners? That makes us docile? Guess what people, we’ve been domesticated. We are the feline equivalent of cows. If I had any aggression in me at all I might be upset about this. Moo.
Note I’m typing this as my cat is lying on my neck, obviously trying to strangle me in preparation for dinner tonight. I am only speeding up the process by straining my neck to see the computer screen.
Well, I hope I’m tasty.
(Gill is perhaps spending too much time at home)
Don’t forget the old superstition that cats suck the life out of you. I figure that’s what my cat is doing when she’s lying on my chest and purring, which is actually the sound of the drill she’s using to dig into my body to steal my life energy. It’s so relaxing.
biting = sampling the goods
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